I nearly made a critical parenting error this week.
My Son warned me out
a few weeks ago that he had been invited to a party this weekend. - well done
son - gold star for plenty of warning so it could go on the calendar and he had the best chance of being able to go.
HOWEVER, as the date
for this party quickly approached this week, I went to him and had a 'little
talk'. I am sure the talk is not
unfamiliar to parents of teenagers all over the world and throughout the
generations, although I have to admit to it being the first time I have had to
deliver it as we have only just started in the adolescent phase of parenting.
WHERE is this party
being held son? (Mumbled response as he scrolls through his iPad for the
details)
WHO is the host of
this party and who else is going son? (Names the birthday person then ticks off
a list on his fingers as he recalls from memory who he believes is going)
And the final doozie
that strikes terror in the heart of every teenager ….I DON"T KNOW THE
PARENTS, or anyone that is going, so I will need to talk to the party girl/boys
parents BEFORE the event.
But this whole
scenario has been niggling at me throughout the week, not least of all because
son hasn't actually come good with the details for contacting the parents,
which is a whole different topic.
Back to the critical
error I opened with. I almost fell into the trap of allowing the changes to the
way kids use social networking to socialise and communicate to be the excuse
for not insisting on good manners and safe practices around party invitations.
I don't doubt the invitation is legitimate and the host is looking forward to
lots of friends attending their party, however it is not appropriate (in my
household) to expect I will agree to my son (or daughter) to attend parties if
they and their friends cannot learn the adapted rules around sending
invitations now that they want to interact and communicate online. These new
rules embody the manners and responsible behaviours that we(parent generation)
had to learn as teenagers- because good manners is good manners- but with a
modern day twist.
This weekend I will
be having a chat with my teenager and preteen about how our socialising and
learning online is changing our communication styles and habits and we need to
never loose sight of good manners and safe practices as things continue to
change quickly and in ways that we aren't considering until the situation is
upon us.
The message of my
talk will be:
- I expect all party invitations to be issued formally to me from the host(teenager and/or parent).
- The invitation may be digital OR paper version but all necessary details should be included and forwarded to me DIRECTLY (not via my son).
- I am happy to receive emails DMs to my social networking sites, which you can access via my webpage http://about.me/adriennekajewski . Although, given that I won't accept friend requests from teenagers, email still looks like the easiest choice unless parents want to get in touch with me which would be my preference in most cases.
This requirement is no stricter or harsher than what was expected
of me and my friends growing up and I believe it reflects good manners and
consideration of others.
I would love to hear
how other parents are dealing with this issue or any concerns with my approach
- as this is in trial phase until I can be comfortable I am doing the best my
child/ren and their friends.
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